MEN: Build & Protect Your Family Walls

A TRUE STORY:

I’d like to start with a true story that happened to me while I was in college.

I was taking an Architectural Drafting class and we went on a field trip to check out a house that was being built by the local High School Building Trades Program.

When we arrived, the house was enclosed and roofed.  There were a number of students working on the outside and inside as my instructor was showing our group around on the main floor.

Suddenly, there was a loud CREAK and then a POP. Confused, I watched my instructor sprinted to the front door.  All of a sudden, there was a loud CRASH!! 

Instantaneously, a 6’-4” basketball player standing next to me vanished through the floor.  The next thing I knew I found myself going through the floor too.

My life flashed before my eyes as I expected everything above  me to come crashing down.  The building moaned and groaned and as fast as it all started, it stopped. It went eerily quiet.

Someone yelled, “Is everyone OK”.  Remarkably, no one was seriously injured.  Some had minor scrapes and bruises, but nothing that required going to the hospital.

When I got outside, I looked at the house and the ridge-line of the roof had started to come down but stopped forming a V. Somehow, the second floor and roof had miraculously stopped from falling in. I believe God spared me that day to encourage you through the story of Nehemiah.

A few days later I came by the house to check on what they were doing to rebuild it. They had used a crane to pull the sagging roof line back up to it’s original straight-line position and it looked like nothing had even happened.

As this High School Building Trades Class had to rebuild this house that was in ruins and unlivable, it reminded me of the Israelites in Jerusalem who had to rebuild the broken walls that also were in ruins and unlivable.

REBUILDING THE WALLS:

When Nehemiah heard from his brother Hanani that the walls in Jerusalem were still in ruins, it broke his heart and drove him to his knees in compassionate prayer?

Many of the walls of marriages and families in our communities are also broken and lie in ruins. Does it break your heart and drive you to your knees in compassionate prayer like Nehemiah?  It should.

We read in Nehemiah 4 that while the Israelites were rebuilding the walls, they faced opposition, mockery, and threats.

Nehemiah’s response was to encourage the people to build and motivate them to be prepared to fight to protect their families and homes. 

I believe this was not just a physical threat but a spiritual one as well and one that Jews and Christians face even today.

So the Israelites started by rebuilding the walls while being ready to protect the work that was being done.  God was showing them that building and protecting went hand-in-hand. The Israelites rebuilt the walls of Jerusalem with a sword in one hand and a trowel in the other.

REBUILDING THE TEMPLE:

In the book of Ezra, we learn that the first Jewish exiles who returned to Jerusalem, rebuilt the Temple. In the following book, Nehemiah, we learn that more exiles returned to help rebuild the walls around the city in order to protect the temple and the Israelite families living there.  I believe God is showing us that we need to do the same.

What do you mean Randy?  Well, the bible says in 1 Corinthians 6:19 that “We are the Temple of the Holy Spirit?”

Just like in Ezra, we need to build the temple of the Holy Spirit that lives inside of us first!  Then, just like in Nehemiah, we can build and protect the walls around our marriages, families and communities next.

So how do we first rebuild the Temple of the Holy Spirit living inside of us? We need to put on the Full Armor of God found in Ephesians 6.  Then we will be equipped to build and protect the walls of our marriages, families and community next.

Listen, “This world is not a playground, it’s a battle ground!”  Let me repeat! This world is not a playground, it’s a WHAT?  A Battle Ground!

THE FULL ARMOR OF GOD:

Ephesians 6:10-13 says “ Finally, be strong in the Lord and in his mighty power.  Put on the full armor of God, so that you can take your stand against the devil’s schemes.  For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms.  Therefore put on the full armor of God, so that when the day of evil comes, you may be able to stand your ground, and after you have done everything, to stand.”

I believe that the opposition that Nehemiah faced when rebuilding the walls in Jerusalem represents our spiritual adversary, satan trying to stop us from rebuilding ourselves, the Temple of the Holy Spirit, and the walls around our marriages, families and communities.

Verse 10 says in order to fight the devil and his schemes, we need to be strong in the Lord and WHAT?  HIS MIGHTY POWER. Unfortunately, most of us try to fight the enemy under our own power and strength and that usually doesn’t work real well.

THE BELT OF TRUTH:

Ephesians 6:14 tell us about the first two pieces of our armor. It says “ Stand firm then, with the belt of truth buckled around your waist, with the breastplate of righteousness in place.” So the first piece of the Full Armor of God is the Belt of Truth.  In order to live according to God’s standard, we need to know the truth of who we are in Christ.

What if I had a $100 bill and asked, “Who would like to have a $100 bill?"  Of course, all of you would want it.  But what if I told the $100 bill “You’re worthless . You’re good for nothing. You don’t have any value. You’ll never amount to anything?” I punched it, slapped it, spit on it, threw it on the floor, kicked it, and stamped on it and asked if “anyone still wanted it”.

 Why would anyone still want it? Right!  Because no matter what I said to it or did to it, it still had the same value?  It was still worth $100.  Its value had not  changed and the same is true with each of us.

No matter what has ever negatively happened to you or what anyone has said or done to you, you must not believe the lies from the enemy that says you’re a loser or have no value.

God says that you have incredible value because you were created in God’s image.  He knit you in your mother’s womb. God has “plan and a purpose for your life, a hope and future.” “You are His prized possession.”    

And that’s why God sent, Jesus to this earth, because He loves you so much that He was willing to sacrifice His one and only son - for you!

And the Bible says there is absolutely nothing that can separate you from the love of Christ.  Absolutely nothing!

Our God identity is so important that it will impact our self-identity. Listen, a lot of our children today are confused about their self-identity and their sex-identity because they don’t know about their God-identity.  We need to wear the Belt of Truth!

THE BREASTPLATE OF RIGHTEOUSNESS:

The second piece of the armor in Ephesians 6:14 was the Breastplate of Righteousness.

The breastplate was generally a bronze metal plate that was wore over the midsection with many layers. The purpose of these layers were to guard the person’s vital organs especially the heart.  Wearing the breastplate was the difference between life or death.

Proverbs 4:23 says “Above all else, guard your heart, for everything you do flows from it.” Notice this verse starts with “Above all else”.  That means “Hey You! Listen up!!  This is extremely important!!”

Then it says “guard your heart because everything comes from it.”  Everything from how we think, how we act, how we react, how we live and how we love comes from inside our heart.

What are some practical ways you can guard your heart?  Is what I’m watching or doing growing me more in love with Jesus and my neighbor or farther away.  Take an inventory of what you take in and ask God to show you any area in your life that you might be giving the enemy a foothold in your heart.

For me, I have to guard my heart against racy movies, pictures or videos.  If I look at any of that, it triggers something inside of me that doesn’t honor my wife or other women.

Growing up, my dad had pornographic pictures hanging in our shed and sexually explicit books in our house. As a young boy, it made it very easy for me to access.

Trying to figure out my manhood with no direction from my dad, I thought that real men looked at porn. What I was introduced to as a young man, has become a battlefield of the mind for me.   

Imagine if my dad, instead of introducing me to porn, had built into me to protect my heart, my eyes and my mind like the bible says?

How about you?  What do you have to guard your heart against?  When you say ‘NO’ to temptation, you are saying “YES’ to righteousness.

FEET FITTED WITH THE GOSPEL OF PEACE:

Ephesians 6:15 states the next piece of armor that’s needed.  It  says "and with your feet fitted with the readiness that comes from the gospel of peace.”

The 3rd piece of Armor says to have our feet fitted with Gospel of Peace.  John 16:33: says "In me you may have peace. In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world”.

I love the part in the praise song “Firm Foundation” that says “I’ve got Joy in and Chaos and a peace the makes no sense.”  Men, do you have that kind of peace?

As Warrior Men of God, we must learn keep our peace in the heat of battle.  When things heat up in the culture, at home with our spouses, or our children. We need to learn how to act, not re-act.  We need to keep our focus on Jesus.

Peter had his feet fitted with the Gospel of Peace when he walked on water. He was drown proof as long as he kept his focus on what? Jesus.

What happened when Peter took his eyes off of Jesus and focused on the storms around him while trying to walk on water? Right! He lost his peace & began to sink.

The enemy is trying to do the same with you. Satan is trying to get us to take our eyes off Jesus by focusing on the storms of life around us so that we too will lose our peace and sink in our roles as men, husbands, dads and community leaders.

God has called us to be Warrior Men of God and says that we are More than Conquerers.

If we do find ourselves starting to sink, remember that Jesus is reaching out His hand to help pull us back to safety just like Jesus did with Peter.  Men, I hope this is making sense?

Here’s an example of me keeping my focus.  I had been fishing and put my Walt’s Crawlers in the refrigerator.

  That’s usually not a problem unless you didn’t put the top on all the way. Any of you know where this is going?

My wife, Laurie opened the door to our fridge and she was met with worms - everywhere!  On the top shelf, in the lettuce, slithering up the door.

Guess what she did? Yep, she screamed bloody murder! RANDY!!! She was frantic and hysterical. Can you imagine?

Of course, as a Warrior Man of God, I took hold of the situation by keeping my peace by focusing on Jesus.  I took all the food out and checked everywhere for those creepy-crawlers.

I cleaned the entire fridge while keeping my peace while my wife was freaking out.

I put everything back and threw out the worms.  Guess what? I went from being a zero to hero by slaying the Monsters of the Fridge.

I could have lost my cool by taking my focus off Jesus, got into a yelling match with Laurie and built negative walls of hostility, anguish. bitterness & resentment between the two of us. My feet were fitted with the Gospel of Peace and I wasn’t about to let that happen and neither should you.

THE SHIELD OF FAITH:

Ephesians 6:16 says “In addition to all this, take up the shield of faith, with which you can extinguish all the flaming arrows of the evil one.”

Now the 4th piece of armor is the Shield of Faith.  The Shield is to protect us from satan’s fiery arrows. The fiery arrows are the lies or attacks from the enemy. Notice it’s not a one and done arrow.  It’s a fiery arrow! 

When a fiery arrow hits, what happens?  It explodes and causes the destructive fires to spread.  Satan wants his lies and attacks to spread to our marriages, our families and into our communities.

We need to replace these lies with God’s truths to stop the carnage. What arrows or lies has satan been shooting at you lately?

Our faith in God can shield us during trials or attacks from the enemy the same way a shield would during battle. So when doubt creeps in and our beliefs are questioned, our faith in Christ can protect us. Stand firm in knowing what you believe.

THE HELMET OF SALVATION:

Ephesians 6:17 tells us next 2 pieces of the armor. “Take the helmet of salvation and the sword of the Spirit, which is the word of God.” So, the 5th piece of armor is the Helmet of Salvation. So what’s salvation?

Romans 10:9-10 says “when we confess with our mouth that Jesus is Lord and believe in our heart that God raised Him from the dead, you will be saved.”  Salvation is being saved by believing in Jesus.  Saved from what?  Saved from our sins and from death by receiving eternal live. Hopefully, you believe Jesus is Lord and you have been saved?

The Helmet of Salvation also protects our minds from the spiritual attacks of doubt and evil by the enemy by helping us focus on God's promises and eternal life.

It's a crucial piece of the Armor that gives us confidence in spiritual battles by shielding our mind, the Body's Command Center. It protects us from Satan's schemes and discouraging thoughts, reminding all of us our security in God.

But how Randy?  How do I battle the lies from the enemy that come into my mind. What can I do?

Try the 4 R’s.  These are biblical & they are powerful!!

The 1st R is to Recognize any negative thoughts that are not of God but the enemy, satan.

The 2nd R is to Refuse the enemies lie! Say “Not Me Satan!”

The 3rd R is to Replace the enemies lies with God’s truth of who you are in Christ.

And the 4th R is to Repeat the 4 R’s.  Believe me, another lie will be coming to your mind; recognize it, refuse it, replace it, then repeat!  Got it. Over time, you’ll get better at it.  This can be powerful!

THE SWORD OF THE SPIRIT:

The sixth piece of armor in Ephesians 6:17 is the Sword of the Spirit, which represents the Word of God. For the Israelites rebuilding the walls of Jerusalem, the sword served as an offensive weapon to protect them against their enemies in the book of Nehemiah.

When sharpened, the sword could pierce through just about anything, making it very dangerous.

But, if we don’t know we’re even in a fight, why would we fight back?  Why would we even pick up a weapon, let alone get familiar with it.

Would a good soldier go into battle without a weapon?  Of course not! He’d be an idiot. We have a powerful weapon but a lot of Christians aren’t even using it.

When the enemy came to tempt Jesus, he came at an opportune time.  Jesus was tired, hungry and alone after fasting in the wilderness for 40 days.

When we are wore out and tired, these are vulnerable times for us, too.  The enemy often comes at these times.

The only weapon Jesus used against Satan’s temptation was the Word of God.  He answered every one of satan’s temptation by saying “it is written” and followed by a scripture verse against that temptation.

Jesus used the 4 R’s.  He Recognized the lies from Satan.  He Refused them.  He Replaced them with God’s truths by saying “It is written” and then He Repeated it. Satan tempted Jesus 3 times.  3 Strikes Satan!  Your out!!

If Jesus used the word of God to fight the devil, what makes you think that we can fight the devil with any weapon other than God’s Word.  Unfortunately, a lot of us try to.

When we read our Bible daily, we are keeping our sword sharp and we are becoming skillful at using it.

Listen to this, God’s word can keep you from the enemy - or - the enemy can keep you from God’s Word. Remember, this world is not a playground, it’s a What?  A battleground!

The Full Armor of God ends with Ephesians 6:18. Our last weapon is often the most overlooked weapon of all and that’s prayer.

PRAYER:

It  says “ And pray in the Spirit on all occasions with all kinds of prayers and requests. With this in mind, be alert and always keep on praying for all the Lord’s people.” Once we put on our armor, we engage in the battle by being vigilant in daily humble compassionate prayer just like Nehemiah!

As we pray, we are engaging in spiritual battle. Prayer unites us with heaven and protects us as we live out our faith.

I use the acronym P.R.A.Y.

The ‘P’ - is to Praise our Heavenly Father as the King of Kings & Lord of Lords; the Prince of Peace, The Great I AM, Wonderful Councilor, My All in All, & so much more.

The ‘R’ - is to Repent of any sin in my life.    Lord, please forgive me of. . .

The ‘A’ - is to Ask according to God’s will.  Lord, protect my family, heal my friends, move at Men’s Group tonight!.

The ‘Y' - is to Yield to God because ultimately He’s in control.  Not us. We need to “Let Go and let God!”

Polls indicate that families who pray together stay together. Daily joint prayer is strongly correlated with higher marital satisfaction, intimacy, and stability. Polls show couples who pray together daily have an exceptionally low divorce rate—often cited as less than 1%—compared to the national average of 50%.

OK Randy, so you’ve talked to us about how to build and protect ourselves as Temples of The Holy Spirit, by putting on the Full Armor of God but what are some practical things we can do when we go back to our homes to help build and protect the walls of our families?

Ephesians 5 was written as ‘Household Rules’ for families and were primarily addressed to men.  Back in Biblical times, God knew that households were the glue that held society together.  God must have also known that men would need help in this area.

SPIRITUAL HEADSHIP:

In Ephesians 5:23, God calls men to be the spiritual head of their households as Christ is the head of the church.  He calls men to be priests in their homes; to minister to their wives and children; to plant seeds of blessings and to build and protect the lives of their families.

Since the beginning of time, satan has been trying to destroy men. If he can cut the head off of the family, the rest of the body suffers and dies a slow death.

Biblical headship does not mean men control and demand.  It is a high calling with great responsibility.  Who did God approach right after Eve ate the forbidden fruit in the garden?  Right!  Adam, not Eve!

 But why? God wanted to point to the fact that Adam was primarily responsible because he was ordained to be the head of this first family that God had created. 

Ephesians 5:25 says "Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave Himself up for her. . .”

When I first heard this verse, it blew me out of the water! I had to ask myself “Do I love my wife Laurie like that?  Am I willing to die for her like Jesus died for me?” 

At the time, I wasn’t to sure.  But I now know that my answer would be a definite Yes! I would!!  Would you?

When God created Eve, the first woman, she was taken out of Adam’s what?  Rib, right!!!

Notice God didn’t take her from his head so he could rule over her.  Nor from his feet so he could trample on her.

but out of his side to be equal with him.  Under his arm to be protected by him. And near his heart to be loved by him. MEN, This is great stuff on how to build and protect the walls of your family!

Biblical headship means we lay down our lives for our wives or bride just as Christ, the Groom, laid down His life for his bride, the Church. This husband/wife relationship is a model of the Jesus/church relationship.  The Bible calls marriage, a profound mystery.

Headship in no way means less than or that the man has complete authority over the woman. It also doesn’t mean that we do the dishes, clean the house or do the laundry so we can get some later. No, we do it because we are called to be servant leaders and love our wives as Christ loved the church.

We both are His image bearers. We both are equally loved and valued by God and we both have equal access to Him.

God just calls us to different roles.  These roles will be different based on each person’s background. But, the Bible is clear that the husband’s role is to be the head of the family by first being a servant leader.

He loves his wife sacrificially with humility and as a leader following after Christ and being responsible for his families physical, emotional and spiritual well-being.

Jesus wasn’t about titles, but about towels and washing the feet of others and so should we!  Especially those in our families.

The wife’s role is that of an ally or helper. To lead well, a husband needs his wife’s help, her advice and her involvement in their relationship, home, and family life, including the decision making. 

When mom and dad are loving each other well, our children feel secure, loved and protected and we are wearing the Full Armor of God and building strong walls to engage in spiritual warfare against the enemy to protect our families.

DADS-DON’T EXASPERATE YOUR CHILDREN:

For families, Ephesians 6:4 talks about the importance of us as dads.  It says “Fathers, do not exasperate your children; instead, bring them up in the training and instruction of the Lord.”

 Now how do we exasperate our children?  One way, is by having a critical spirit.  There is nothing wrong with correcting or disciplining our children as long as we do it in love to build them up.  But to take our anger out on our children and verbally put them down can have a devastating negative affect.  Proverbs 25:28 says “A person without self-control is like a city with broken walls.”

Let me tell you about my dad.  As a kid, I felt like I could never do anything right. No matter what I did, my dad didn’t affirm me.  He would constantly take negative withdrawals from my emotional bank account and rarely give me a positive deposit.  It seemed like he was always criticizing me.

My mom would have me go in the garage to help my dad work on the family car.  He would ask me to get him a screwdriver or some tool but it never seemed like I could never get the right one for him.  It got to the point that I dreaded being around him.

My dad really didn’t believe in Jesus either.  What he did believe was going to church was a waste of time.

He thought doing this, what I’m doing today with you, writing to you about becoming Godly man who builds and protects his family is stupid and a waste of time.  Men, do you feel that this has been stupid or a waste of time?

He couldn’t see why I liked to go to church or grow in my faith.  He’d even make cutting remarks about it from time to time.  Have you ever have someone close to you make cutting remarks about you or your faith?  Man, it can really hurt.

He also swore like a drunken sailor and he would make inappropriate sexual remarks around my young girls & Laurie.   Any of you have a dad like that?

I loved my dad but was embarrassed to have my wife & children around him and had to protect them from his inappropriate words.

Now another way we exasperate our children as dads is to neglect them.  Your children need you.  They need an active Godly man in their lives who believes in them, to build and protect them, to plant seeds of affirmation, security and love into their lives.

But when a dad disappears from a child’s life, it too can have a negative devastating effect.

A young lady at one of our Ladies of Honor Camps told her leader that her dad left her when she was 4 years old and she thinks all men are losers.

Another young man at a MOH Camp said his dad left when he was only 2 months old. You know I hear these stories all the time and they break my heart.  How about you?

NEGATIVE EFFECTS OF FATHERLESSNESS

Listen to these stats from the US Dept. of Health & Human Services on the negative effects of Fatherlessness.

*About 50% of all children in US end up fatherless. It’s 80-90% Urban areas.

Children from Fatherless homes are. . .

*5 times more likely to commit suicide

*7 times more likely to get pregnant.

*15 times more likely to have behavioral disorders

or end up in prison as a teen

*24 times more likely to run away from home.

*and 73 times more likely to end up killed.

POWER OF ACTIVELY FATHERS:

But, read these stats on the “Positive Power of Actively Involved Fathers.”

*Preschoolers with actively involved fathers have stronger verbal skills.

*Children with actively involved fathers display less behavior problems in school.

*Girls with strong relationships with their fathers do better in math.

*Boys with actively involved fathers tend to get better grades and perform better on achievement tests.

*A fathers’ involvement encourages children’s exploration of the world around them and confidence in their ability to solve problems.

*Highly involved fathers contribute to increased mental dexterity in children, increased empathy, less stereotyped sex role beliefs and greater self-control.

POWER OF FATHERS

Look at these stats from a survey released by the Baptist Press on “The power of the father on his children attending church”.

*If the mother is the first to become a Christian in a household, there is a 17% probability that everyone in the household will follow.

*But, If the father is the first to become a Christian in a household, there is a 93% probability that everyone in the household will follow.

So how do we rebuild and protect our families, our communities and the world?  We need to first put on the Full Armor of God.  Transformation doesn’t begin with others. It begins with me. It begins with you, the Temple of the Holy Spirit.

The moment I make God decisions and embrace God values, and do my part to build myself up as a man, husband and father, then and only then, God can use me to build and protect others too.

Listen Men, write this down.  I’m going to give you some pure gold. Manhood and Christlikeness are Synonymous.   Let me say it again, Manhood and Christlikeness are Synonymous.

OK men! We’ve read about a lot of great inspiration. But, if we do nothing with it, nothing changes.

James 1:22 said “Don’t just be hearers of the word. Do what it says.”

Listen men, we get one chance in life. This is our legacy.  One day we will all leave this earth and will leave behind a legacy.  We can build a good one or a bad one. What kind of legacy are you going to build?